… I wanted that one.
Now that the shock’s worn off a little, (for other people, I’m still reeling) I feel like the main thing people are trying to comfort me with is that I can have another baby. And that’s true, and great, and yes, we do want more children, but it doesn’t change the fact that this one died.
I don’t just miss any baby, I miss my son.
I think that’s why I can be happy for other people’s newborns, and hold them and love them – they aren’t mine.
It is him, specifically, I grieve for. I could have ten more children, and I will still love that short little life until the day I see him again. Having Taidgh die, and having another baby are seperate issues.
To put it another way, if my husband was dying, would you tell me I’d meet someone else?
I know that people want to make me feel better, I know that other people are moving on, and want to start looking forward. I know that most people don’t know what to say, and try to make things nice – but that I tend not to do nice when it isn’t. I know that no one is intentionally trying to hurt me.
But it does hurt.